This session was a commentary on the Introduction and the first part of Chapter One of the book by Blessed Pope John Paul II, Love and Responsibiltiy. In this session we look at what a person is and what it means to have personal interior dignity, what it means to use, and to use for pleasure. Also how the personalistic norm of Karol Wojtyla can be the foundation of the Greatest Commandment of the Gospel.
7:30 - 9:00 PM, September 15, 2012
will be the first installment of a Love and Responsibility Discussion Group. The first 45 minutes Fr Sam will comment on a section of the book, then we will open it up for discussion. It will be webcast live at the
One Christmas I met a woman at my uncle's house who was under a dark cloud. She was so sad, depressed, and felt abandoned, rejected, and alone, because her husband and boys had left her to go ice fishing immediately after she had slaved over their Christmas dinner! I made it my mission for the next two hours to cheer her up and pour as much love as I possibly could out on her, trying to make her laugh. I saw her two days later at the gas station where she worked. Besides giving me two dozen chocolate covered doughnuts she exclaimed, "You're the greatest man to walk the face of the earth!" I laughed so hard hearing this, thinking of myself on par with St Paul and St Francis, but besides the absurdity, there is some truth in the fact that when someone totally loves you, they become the greatest person for you. Ask any child about who the bestest person is and they will probably say mommy and daddy.
When we love, we become prophets of God, for we not only reveal God who is love but also reveal to the person the same thing God reveals, that they are lovable. Jesus Christ is the one who knows us and loves us exactly as we are right now, who understand exactly what we are going through and are suffering, and he loves us as we are. Love is the only thing that gives us hope for authentic change and conversion of heart. We are called to be prophets of Jesus Christ in our baptism, to reveal the great love of God for each person. It only the authority of love that opens ears that they may hear the truth.
Truth is not a something but a somebody, Jesus Christ, who said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life" (John 14:6). Jesus is truly imparted only by the threefold revelation of the Word of God in Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and the Magisterium of the Church. Scripture was written under the Tradition of the Church and was done so under the only authenticated authority of God, the Pope and his successors. As the Second Vatican Council explained:
It is clear, therefore, that sacred tradition, Sacred Scripture and the teaching authority of the Church, in accord with God's most wise design, are so linked and joined together that one cannot stand without the others, and that all together and each in its own way under the action of the one Holy Spirit contribute effectively to the salvation of souls. Dei Verbum 10
It is only by this kind of sacred tripod, all three put together, and without one the revelation of Christ does not stand and is not fully truthful that we can hear the words of Jesus fully: "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free" (John 8:32). This truth can never be spoken of apart from love for if it is imparted without love it ceases to be a proclamation of Christ and tends to be rather self-righteous. For the Christian, there ought to be no moral high ground, and there is never any time we can claim the authority of having better virtue, a better life style, for we are servants who find ourselves beset by the same or greater weakness than of those to whom we are sent. We always take the position and posture of the moral low ground, of being sinners who can speak not of being perfect in following the law, but knowing firsthand all to well that the law of sin needs to be addressed by the righteousness of Redemption in the blood of the lamb. Jesus washes the feet of the poor and sinful. "Where the master is, so the servant shall be."
Yet we are not only called to be prophets to speak the truth in love. There is a deeper order than what we do. It is who we are, the order of being, a much simpler level of being human and living the image of God our Creator. Who is Jesus? God. We are we? God's beloved. The deepest identity we can claim therefore is that we are loved by God. This is the order that parents teach children. It is children's first identity, memory, and deepest movement of their whole life.
The truth about the human person is that each is created by and for a loving communion of persons. In the beginning we read:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)
“man became the image of God not only through his own humanity, but also through the communion of persons”
For just as the Eternal Father is one with the Eternal Son and from their intimate communion of persons is conceived and flows the Person of the Holy Spirit, so too, from the intimate communion of man and woman is conceived and flows a new human person. This new life happens in the conception of the womb but also it ought to happen every day in family life. The very same love of the Eternal Family of the Blessed Trinity is replicated and echoed in the love of man and woman who not only in the act of conception but by their communion and friendship daily give life to their children.
It is amazing to see the connection between trinitarian theology and the differences between man and woman. God the Father is the origin (what the name actually means in Greek) of the Son and Holy Spirit. He is the principle or initiation of the other two persons. God the Son is eternally receptive to the Father and his love. From the love of both Father and Son comes the Holy Spirit. In this understanding of the Blessed Trinity, we can understand the pattern of masculine and feminine complementarity and fertility. Dr Philip Mango, a psychologist who teaches a kind of “psychology of the body” that accompanies the theology of the body says:
“The definition of masculinity is the male who takes initiative regularly. He initiates something that is good for others at a cost to himself, at a sacrifice to himself, and sustains what he has initiated with power and love, as a positive leader, as a protector, defender, lover, and a wise counselor.“The definition of femininity is active receptivity.”
Masculinity and femininity are from God, have their origin in his image and likeness and a person who has underdeveloped their manhood or womanhood is not living the fullness of their dignity as a son or daughter of God. We can see that masculinity and femininity have been lived out in different ways throughout the ages and in different cultures, but their origin is in God and is not simply sociological evolution or mere cultural conditioning. These are ultimately made for life. What does man initiate in the seed of his body and woman receive within her body? LIFE!
It is written into our nature, which by scientific studies, can be observed and noted. According to the social sciences:
There is no fact that has been established by social science literature more convincingly than the following: all variables considered, children are best served when reared in a home with a married mother and father. David Popenoe (1996) summarized the research nicely: "social science research is almost never conclusive, yet in three decades of work as a social scientist, I know of few other bodies of data in which the weight of evidence is so decisively on one side of the issue: on the whole, for children, two-parent families" (p. 176). (Gender Complementarity and Child Rearing by Dr A. Dean Beard PhD)
THE EFFECT OF MASCULINE AND FEMININE VOICES
There was a study done in a pediatric ward with small infants. They had a room full of babies whose neurological activity was being monitored. When a man walked into the room and started speaking to the babies, they started to kick and wiggle and move about. Their brain activity became very active, their eyes widened, and they looked around the room full of excitement. When a woman walked into the room and started talking to the babies, they lay still, their neurological activity became calmer, their eyes started to close, and some started to fall asleep.
Another study shows that father’s around the world in different cultures and socio-economic backgrounds have a kind of universal tendency to hold their baby out from them, to look them in the eye, and yes, even to throw them up in the air and catch them. The study was not limited to cultural conditioning. Yes that is right, it is a universal tendency in father’s to actually throw their children up in the air. For women it is exactly the opposite. They desired to hold the child close to their hearts, pull them in, and give them nurturing and gentle caresses. If you’d ask the woman they would tell the man to not throw the child so high and his reaction would be that it wouldn’t quite be high enough. Different studies show the complementarity of masculine and feminine touch in rearing children:
“Male and female differences emerge in ways in which infants are held and the differential ways in which mothers and fathers use touch with their children. Mothers more frequently use touch to calm, soothe, or comfort infants. When a mother lifts her child, she brings the child toward her breasts providing warmth, comfort, security and protection. Fathers more often use touch to stimulate or to excite the child. Fathers tend to hold infants at arms length in front of them, make eye contact, toss the infant in the air, or embrace the child in such a way that the child is looking over the father's shoulder. Shapiro notes that each of these "daddy holds" underscores a sense of freedom (1994).
“Clarke-Stewart (1980) reported differences in mothers' and fathers' play. Mothers tend to play more at the child's level. Mothers provide an opportunity to direct the play, to be in charge, to proceed at the child's pace. Fathers' play resembles a teacher-student relationship-- apprenticeship of sorts. Fathers' play is more rough-and-tumble.”
MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT - COMPLEMENTARY
The complementarity of man and woman serves the communion between them in sexual attraction and fertility in the procreation of children, but it also serves to develop different parts of the person. Let’s look at the person from a Catholic anthropology, looking at man from the point of view of St Thomas Aquinas, who probably better than any has been able to discriminate within the human organism, the subtle differences between different faculties, i.e. the intellect and will, passions and powers, and how they relate to one another.
Men have a very developed reason (ratio) for the use of a kind of hyper-focus, to get a difficult job done and persevere in doing it until the goal is accomplished. Reason is able to dissect a situation, compartmentalize it and analyze abstract principles, essences, and ideas. Women have a highly developed intuitive intellect (intellectus), which helps to look at the whole situation and see things in a holistic approach, helping them to embrace the emotional content of a situation and draw out from it an intimate meaning and purpose. Some have said that men are more “right-brain” and women are “left-brain,” however, if you actually look at the physical organ of the brain of an actual man it is in two compartments with a super conductor in the middle of two lobes. A woman’s brain is so interconnected by a spaghetti super network that it almost appears that it is one lobe. So actually, the whole right-brain/left-brain thing is only applicable to men. Each human person needs to develop both parts of the intellect the abstract ratio and the intuitive intellectus. It is clear from studies that the complementarity of both and man and woman raising a child that both parts of the mind are exercised, challenged, and matured.
Also the will needs to be developed. Aquainas said that there are two basic sets of volition or willing within man, two types of appetites. One is for the enjoyment of the pleasurable good, the concupiscible appetite, and another is for desiring the good that is difficult to attain, the irascible appetite. Femininity seems to embody all of the qualities of the pleasurable good, a voice that is gentle, a eyes that are soft and welcoming, a nurturing and sensitive touch. While masculinity seems to embody everything about obtain the arduous or difficult good: decisive actions, courageous execution of plans, anger at the good that is threatened, a hatred for what is evil.
One thing must be clarified here. While men and women’s complementarity does embody or exhibit a particular trait of the human person, each human person must develop all of these faculties. However, men tend to develop the feminine qualities albeit in a masculine way, and vice versa for women. In fact, St Edith Stein said that the a person has not fully developed into their masculine manhood or feminine womanhood unless they embody both the masculine and feminine qualities, yet possess them and express them in keeping with their sexual identity. Who shows more womanly assertiveness, decisiveness, and protectiveness than the Blessed Mother, whose womanhood had perfectly matured in its fullness? Who is more gentle, nurturing, and sensitive than Jesus, albeit in a masculine way?
HOW FATHER & MOTHER EFFECT THE DEVELOPMENT OF A PERSON
What is amazing is that studies show how essential it is for a person to experience the both masculine and feminine affirmation in order for all their faculties to develop properly.
Perhaps this is seen most strikingly in those who are deprived of it. Children who grew up without a fatherly influence:
-Exhibited a general lack of courage and confidence, especially in accomplishing difficult goals
-"there may be something unique to fathers that provides children with different opportunities to regulate their emotions" (Broughton 2000)
-Were statistically more promiscuous and found it difficult to live chaste relationships well, which is particularly difficult for women in later years who develop “daddy issues”
-Showed high sense of aggression and could not express anger in a healthy way or found it highly uncomfortable when someone is angry with them
Children who grew up without a motherly influence:
-Found it difficult speak about their feelings, experience connectedness, and found intimacy awkward
-showed high insecurity and need for attention, physical contact, emotional and affirmation
-Had difficulty showing affection, warmth and developing depth in romantic relationships with their spouses.
In today’s world, the high percentage of broken families is giving rise to persons who would be described by many of the above traits.
Dr Conrad Baars, PhD, an expert psychiatrist who was a consultant for Pope Paul VI on psychological matters, was famous for his intuition in understanding the affirmation of the person. Clearly, he said, that most people experience a kind of birthing of their person before the age of 5. In fact 80% of the person is already developed into who he or she will become for the rest of their life: including their capacity to love and be loved, their gender identification, and their overall understanding of what it is to be a human person. Yet there is another kind of birthing that happens usually in a persons late teens and early twenties, a kind of psychological birthing of their personality. This too happens by way of affirmation, that the person begins to see themselves as an adult who is capable of loving and being loved.
The problem is that so many people find themselves unlovable and unaffirmed either by father or mother or both. This can be true even of persons who grew up in homes with both parents physically present but emotionally absent. In fact, it can even be more painful when a parent is there but is incapable of loving and affirming the child. Blessed Pope John Paul II in his letter to Families, also spoke about the egocentric and hedonistic tendencies of parents that brings about the terrifying phenomenon of children being “orphans of living parents,” which is a wound of being rejected and unloved. In these cases a person is almost better off having lost a parent through death rather than having the parent reject the child and refuse to show love to him.
I find, as a priest, the pews of the Churches full of such orphaned, unloved, unaffirmed persons. It wasn’t that somebody did something to them that was terrible, but it what someone didn’t do to them - love them. Dr Conrad Baars, together with Dr Anna Teruwe was responsible for the discovery of a very modern emotional disorder, Emotional Deprivational Disorder.
“Emotional Deprivation Disorder is a syndrome which results from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one's life. A person may have been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life, resulting in that individual’s stunted emotional growth. Unaffirmed persons are incapable of developing into emotionally mature adults until they receive authentic affirmation from another person. Maturity is reached when there is a harmonious relationship between a person’s body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul under the guidance of their reason and will.”
REACTION TO LIFE
Most of the time people don’t like to think about the evil in their lives, who didn’t love them, who abandoned them, who might have hurt them. So unless a person is able to look it in the eye and deal with it, it gets buried and people develop a whole intricate system of learning how to ignore it, cope with it, “medicate” it: drugs, alcoholism, being a workaholic, perfectionism, over-achieving, over-eating, promiscuous sex, pornography, avoidance of any kind or responsibility or stresses that are part of a normal life, and so on. Yet these are perhaps the things that are the most harmful. The deepest wounds that people have are not what has been done to them but what they do in reaction to it. It is not what goes into a man that defiles him but what comes out of him, not what happens to him, but what he makes happen (Matthew 15:1).
It is particularly difficult when this reaction is not conscious, and therefore may appear to have a life of its own. Aquainas differentiated between two parts of the will, the active and the passive, similar to what modern psychology calls the conscious and subconscious part of a person. It is very common for a person to be subconsciously needy of masculine or feminine affirmation or attention if they were deprived of it when they were younger. Because of the power of sin working in us this may at times be acted out in perverse ways.
SAME SEX ATTRACTION
Every single human person has a grave disorder. It's called sin. Each of us can say "There is a war in my members." The best way we can describe it is with St Paul's words:
I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. So then it is no longer I that do it, but sin which dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin which dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. (Romans 7:15-25)
This is not only the interior experience of every sinner, but also of those who suffers same-sex attraction. Some people would like to affirm people in a gay identity, but this cannot be the Christian response, because the act itself, not the person, is intrinsically disordered, and if we love someone, we would not want them to be in habitual grave sin. What then? Do we try to fix them or change them? With this idea I would be careful of attempting to try to fix a person. They are a person who needs to be loved not necessarily a problem to be solved and sometimes God might permit them to suffer this in some way for the rest of their life. What they do need is the same as everyone else - Redemption! Let's look at the causes of same-sex attraction to try to seek a path of redemption.
UNLOVED, UNAFFIRMED,
AND IN NEED OF REDEMPTION
A person finds themselves sexually attracted to the same sex usually because of an unmet need for affirmation, love, and affection they had as a child from the same-sex parent or also as a result to the abuse or hurt received from the opposite sex parent, or differing variables of abuse and neglect from either parent. In fact, many psychologists and counselors have had great success with those who have unwanted same-sex attractions in helping to heal this as one would do with a disordered affection in the passive will of the person. This will undoubtedly upset many people who do not have a catholic vision of man and his anthropology found in the theology of the body, who attempt a kind of gay-affirmation therapy, focussing on depression or stress as results of social resistance to the gay lifestyle rather than something much deeper in the human heart. These people say that would be unfair to ask a person to change something so deep in his heart. Remember, that 80% of our sexual identity is formed before the age of 5 and therefore one could claim that he was always that way.
We must be clear that this kind of healing or change is not to be considered as a
“categorical view of change, grounded in an essentialist view of homosexual sexual orientation that assumes same-sex attractions are the natural and immutable essence of a person,” but “it is far more helpful and accurate to conceptualize such change as occurring on a continuum. This is in fact how sexual orientation is defined in most modern research, starting with the well known Kinsey scales, even as subsequent findings pertinent to change are often described in categorical terms.” (NARTH Statement on Sexual Orientation Change)emphasis added
“It's my suspicion that in a lot of cases, people who struggle for years with same-sex attraction are struggling because there are other factors driving their attractions, and these factors are not being addressed. For some people, it seems, the issues are rooted in psychological wounds received in their family of origin, and for those people reparative therapy seems to do a lot of good. Resolve the psychological substrata of sexual orientation, and the attractions sort themselves out of their own accord.”
Especially for men, who are often more sensual, same-sex attraction is more of a matter of a libinistic sexual attraction, for women, who are often more sentimental, it tends toward an attraction of the whole of the person to the whole of the other person. For both of these it is still a need for love and affirmation. Again here it is necessary to stress that one does not change their passive will overnight or categorically or by an act of the active will. It happens when the person gifts their inmost being freely and consciously to the desire for Redemption. This voluntary desire is key. You know the joke, how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? It doesn’t matter. The light bulb has to want to change. For those who don’t want this, it is not an option and often by these people it is seen as an attack on their lifestyle. From my experience in living in Christian mens’ households where a few of the men professed to experience an unwanted same-sex attraction, the two things they needed from me were:
1. Brotherhood. Healthy male “disinterested friendship” (Words of the Catechism) supplied positive and chaste affirmation of them as men in a masculine identity.
2. A condemnation of the “homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity” (Words of the Catechism)
I suspect this is because that it is an affirmation of them as a man but also a support to their choice of trying to live a chaste life through a reinforcement of the negative choice involved, like the positive and negative poles necessary for electric power. The deeper changes in us are much more slow and permanent, yet also some may experience that they will have to suffer some degree of temptation the rest of their lives. The courage apostolate has the appropriate quote of St Frances de Sales on their website:
"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew."
This apostolate has been most effective at least with helping many men and women come to terms with same sex attraction. Their 5 goals are:
1. Live chaste lives in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church's teaching on homosexuality. (Chastity)
2. Dedicate ones life to Christ through service to others, spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, individual spiritual direction, frequent attendance at Mass, and the frequent reception of the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist. (Prayer and Dedication)
3. Foster a spirit of fellowship in which all may share thoughts and experiences, and so ensure that no one will have to face the problems of homosexuality alone. (Fellowship)
4. Be mindful of the truth that chaste friendships are not only possible but necessary in a chaste Christian life and in doing so provide encouragement to one another in forming and sustaining them. (Support)
5. Live lives that may serve as good examples to others. (Good Example/Role Model)
Yet some people have no intention of wanting or believing that a change in their sexual orientation is possible. The media often reinforces this with a subtle kind of brainwashing by a constant propaganda line that “I was born this way” It is clear now that, even as Dean Hammer, who who supposedly coined the phrase of the “gay gene” himself has said, “there is no gay gene” and therefore is not an variant of human nature or a genetic thing. THERE IS NO STUDY THAT CLAIMS HOMOSEXUALITY IS SIMPLY GENETIC. It is shown from studies of twins that it is not inherited, even though studies may show that it may be heritable or traced to certain biological traits. It also therefore cannot be considered on par with other aspects of human nature such as age, race, gender, and ought not to be described as a “right” or encoded into discrimination laws as a variant.
Also it must be said very clearly that it is not a good thing even though it may be socially acceptable and legal, for two men or two women to claim to have the same “right” or capacity to raise a child in a healthy environment. Dr Dean Byrd, a psychologist and counselor, who was a consultant for an adoption agency on this matter reveals that in many cases it may greatly harm the emotional and personal well being of the child:
“How healthy is the rejection of gender roles? What is more alarming is that both historical and current research provides significant concerns about the medical and mental health consequences of homosexual practices, as well as the stability of homosexual relationships. Medical health, mental health, longevity and relationship stability are essential issues to be addressed when considering the placement of children.” Gender Complementarity and Child-rearing: Where Tradition and Science Agree
Through analysing different studies he concludes that child rearing in a same sex home will:
-teach by example the rejection of our sexual differences that are inscribed in our nature
-teach children that sex is for pleasure and doesn’t have to include procreation
-due to the very high rate, even majority of couples that are not monogamous, even saying it is better to let their partner freely have sex with others to remain monogamous, the child will not learn stability that comes from monogamy
-the child will have a high rate of confusion of gender identity, a much higher tendency toward depression, emotional imbalance, and promiscuity
NO ONE IS A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE
OR DOOMED BY HISTORY
Because of the identification that we have with the way we grew up and because so much of who we are depends on the formation we receive as tiny children, it is easy for a person to feel condemned to simply be the outcome of their past, marked forever by a distant mother or absent father or whatever kind of childhood. You hear it all the time in popular culture, songs, and movies - almost like an excuse for self-pity or a definition of who a person is based solely on what has happened to them. Yet what is most wounding in our lives is not what has or hasn’t happened to us, it is our own reaction to it. However, we know that God is a Good Father, and his plan is for freedom and healing.
VOTE CATHOLIC IN NOVEMBER FOR THE REFERENDUM
Because homosexuality is not a right that can be legislated in law but a disorder, when there is an attempt to legislate it, the law becomes disordered. Make no mistake, those who want to pass same-sex marriages don't give homosexuals their time and pastoral care like priests do and social workers don't give out their cellphone number like I do. Who do people call when they are attacked by temptation to hate themselves? Their priests, those who really care! Therefore to vote according to Catholic teachings is not a political motive, but it is said out of redemption that has political implications, which are rather severe.
In fact, most of our brothers and sisters who suffer same-sex attraction are not interested in the same-sex marriage legislation. It is really the motive of a small minority of ideologues who want to control society by redefining its basic cell unity: the family. Catholics are obliged to give prophetic witness in the way that they vote and by their political action, by not allowing this legislation to be passed in november.
BE NOT AFRAID!!! This is a work of God, and if anyone tries to pass a law not in keeping with the natural law that God has sewn into the fabric of the universe, and into the depths of all hearts, they will end up fighting GOD HIMSELF!
May the prayers and intercession of Mary, Queen of the family obtain for us the necessary wisdom and courage we need to respond to our prophetic witness.
This is a homily that was given on the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, June 3rd, 2012, at Virgin Mother of Good Counsel Catholic Church in Hythe, Kent, UK.
If you have trouble listening or to download, click here.
The family is the most perfect image of the Blessed Trinity. Just as the Father and the Son love each other so perfectly that they together beget the Holy Spirit so man and woman love each other so intimately that nine months later you have to give that love a name and diapers.
Blessed Pope John Paul II reminded us of this truth in his theology of the body where he says:
Man becomes an image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion.
Where is the most tender and intimate and powerful "moment of communion" for man? Firstly of course it is in Eucharistic Communion, where God touches man, cradles him, gives him life and truth. Outside the sanctuary of the Church this tender and mighty moment of human intimacy is in sexual intercourse between man and woman.
This moment is such a holy and great thing that God created it within the sanctuary of the covenant of communion called matrimony, where man and woman gift themselves to each other in a mutual, exclusive, life-long, life-giving, irrevocable and indissoluble commitment. The most perfect image and likeness of God is in marriage from which the issue of life flows forth.
This sacred image of God, a likeness of the trinitarian communion of persons, the family, is under a C.A.S.C.A.D.E. of attack. The devil because he cannot attack the all powerful Most Holy Trinity, attacks the next greatest image of the Trinity - the Family. To counter this attack, we must P.R.A.Y. very much and fight back.
Contraception - the willful stopping the possibility to conceive life at the intimate moment of communion of man and woman. Now God didn't intend man and woman to conceive every time they have sex, otherwise he would have made women fruitful more than just a few days of the month. What destroys the image of God is keeping God who is Life itself out of the picture entirely from the love act. Let us remember that it is in keeping with responsible parenthood "for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, to decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time" (Humanae Vitae). Here, the difference between Natural Family Planning and artificial contraception are too huge to overlook. The pill has been declared a carcinogen by the World Health Organization, greatly increasing the risk of cervical and breast cancer. Condoms are only effective 60% in stopping conception and have been declared by the National Cancer Institute "ineffective against HPV." Maritally, those couples that practice natural family planning have a success rate of 99.8% of keeping their marriage together, while those that practice artificial contraception only 50%. Pretty clear how to keep a marriage together - talk about the intimate "moment of communion."
Abortion - There is no thing any man can do to a woman that can come anywhere near the terrible scars she inflicts on herself when she decides to take the life in her own womb. There is never any reason for an abortion. Even those women who have been raped said they experienced healing, good coming out of evil, when they went through with their pregnancy and had their child. We are responsible for stopping the legalization of abortion and not allowing women to hurt themselves and take the life of a human person who has his or her own rights given by God. It is difficult to say how deeply abortion has scared our society.
Same-sex marriage - Here we are not talking about those civil unions that have been legalized already in some sectors, especially the UK. We are talking about the attempt to redefine marriage no longer as the union between one man and one woman, to become whatever you want it to be. In the preliminary consultation in the UK, 78% of people wanted to not even discuss this issue, which seems to be perpetrated on the masses by a loud minority. No where, not in ancient Greece or modern Holland, has anyone ever tried to redefine marriage. Sure, they have allowed gays to live their lifestyle but never have they gone so far as to allow a redefining of traditional marriage between one man and one woman. You and I are responsible. Write your MP, sign the petition to oppose it, be a part of the consultation. To do so visit this site.
Cohabitation - Shacking up, living in sin, everybody's doing it, so why is it such a big deal? What if people suddenly decided to try defy gravity and began jumping off of skyscrapers? Would you do that too? Taking the intimate act of the marital embrace out of the context of marriage is like taking holy communion out of the tabernacle and eating it on the street corner like eating potato chips (crisps). It is simply fornication, or sex outside of marriage. This denigrates the holiness of marriage and has a devastating effect on the destruction of consciences of young people being able to tell right from wrong and is a recipe for marital ruin.
Anti-love procedures such as In vitro Fertilization and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection - In the act of the marital embrace, in sexual intercourse of man and wife, it must remain life-giving and love-giving for the image and likeness of God to protected and nourished. In other words, as soon as you remove the act of conception from the act of love or from the mother's womb, it destroys the image of the trinity in being a communion of love and life. Scientific achievements can greatly aid the fertility of man and woman. However IVF is only 20% effective while Natural Family Planning has been shown to be up to 80% effective in bringing forth fertility for couples. Any scientific invention that destroys this cannot be said to be true science, for it doesn't not fully further the development of man because it attacks his most noble part - his moral conscience.
Divorce - Here we are not talking about spouses separating because of reasons of abuse, neglect, or for the simple fact that one of the spouses never intended to be bonded to the other "until death do us part." Here we are taking about the grave disregard for the indissolubility of marriage, by an eagerness to abandon it for egoistic reasons. God has irrevocably bonded himself to man in a covenant of salvation. Marriage is supposed to be a sign of this. The tendency to disregard this covenant love is a great cause for not only the shipwreck of faith in so many, but also the great ripping apart of the psychological wellbeing of so many children who have been deprived of the security and stability of parents who persevere "in good times and bad." However, persons who have found that their spouse never intended to be bonded for life rightly pursue a decree of nullity of their marriage bond and seek to pick up the pieces of their life. Also, it should be said that the Church has a particular responsibility to accompany single parents in a closer walk and to have a preference for them, helping them live out a very challenging vocation.
Euthanasia - Here we are not talking about the natural ending of life that is necessary when a person must avail themselves of disproportionate means of being kept alive. I have seen first hand how medical science can make sport of persons lives by turning them into guinea pigs. My own grandfather was in a veterans hospital and was being used by interns for every kind of procedure to prolong his life. Before he was unconscious he made it clear that he wanted his family to follow the Catechism of the Catholic Church's position (2278)of
Discontinuing medical procedures that are burdensome, dangerous, extraordinary, or disproportionate to the expected outcome can be legitimate; it is the refusal of "over-zealous" treatment. Here one does not will to cause death; one's inability to impede it is merely accepted.
What we are talking about is murder under the cloak of wanting to get away from the suffering that is normal at the end of life, putting grandma in a morphine coma because she broke her hip and then discontinuing her feeding tube.
This C.A.S.C.A.D.E. of attack is serious indeed. What can we do? We must P.R.A.Y.
Pray - The family that prays together stays together. Prayer, especially frequenting the Sacraments of salvation is of the utmost importance for family life to be protected and for us to be given the necessary wisdom and courage to defend it.
Reconcile - We must learn that each family is not only a school of prayer but also of reconciliation. "I am sorry and I love you" must be words that we use often. First and for most we need to experience the reconciliation of God in the holy sacrament of Confession, where we experience the eternal love of God forgiving us and restoring us, then we need to make this love and mercy felt in our families by learning how to work things out.
Attend Sunday Mass Together - The Lord's day is also a day of the family. Spouses need to watch each other receive communion and see the way that God love's their spouse so that they may imitate his great love and service. Children need to watch parents participate in the mysteries of God so that they may too learn how to become one in him. Everything starts and ends here. How can we learn communion in families unless we first learn and experience it in the Trinitarian communion most perfectly lived and received in the Eucharistic mystery?
Yes to Marriage and Family - Jesus' arms on the cross spell a letter. Which one? Y stands for YES. We must constantly choose marriage. Spouses have to choose each other every day. They must choose to eliminate other good things from their schedule to make room for the higher good of spousal communion that comes from spousal dating, friendship, romance, service, and care. Parents, especially fathers, need to say yes to being with their sons and daughters. Say YES to God and to each other!
Pure in Heart is an International Catholic Movement of young adults who through prayer and friendship, strive together to learn, live and share the truth, beauty and meaning of human sexuality.
In Ireland, they are based in Emmanuel House in Dublin, which has a prayer meeting every Tuesday at 7:30pm.
The Father’s Plan for Living the Theology of the Body
“This stuff is great. I only wish I could live it out in a clear and complete way.” This is a very common reaction to the Theology of the Body. Many folks say that it sounds nice to their ears and maybe even moves their hearts, but many ask, “so how can I live this out in a practical way in my daily life?”
There are really some great responses to this need in the Church: books, pamphlets, workbooks, even coloring books, music, and poetry. There are many courses that give clear and day-to-day examples that are close to the hearts its students. However, understanding is not enough. We must gain carnal knowledge of this doctrine by actually practicing it in it in our very bodies. Pope John Paul’s intention is that we would enter into a personal relationship and dialogue with the living Jesus Christ in our very bodies.
This dialogue is ultimately about the gift that Jesus Christ has given to us of his own body, manifesting the Father’s love by his most sacred passion, death, and resurrection. It is here that we listen to the voice of Jesus, not a voice that is spoken or heard with the ears, but with the body.
We are sinners. The place we experience disquiet, disturbance, and uneasiness of our own sinfulness is in our very flesh, in the depths of our hearts. Yet, we experience what happens to these same bodies when we permit our flesh to drink deeply of the gift of Jesus’ body and blood, soul and divinity. By gazing upon Jesus condemned, mocked, judged, hated, scourged, beaten, bruised, cursed, defiled, and crucified, and realizing that he did this all for us, for love of us, suddenly our wounded hearts finds rest, peace, noble serenity, and a satisfaction that cannot be experienced anywhere else. We experience redemption in our bodies from experiencing the gift of Jesus’ body to us.
This is not something we experience somewhere in our interior life during scattered glimpses of personal prayer or only from those sparks of personal inspiration that fall from the fire of the Holy Spirit passing through the humdrum of our lives. It is something that is experienced in Nomine Ecclesiae, in the name of the Church, by the means of the celebration of the Most Holy Eucharist. “As often as the sacrifice of the cross by which ‘Christ, our Pasch is sacrificed’ (1 Cor 5:7) is celebrated on the altar, the work of our redemption is carried out” (Lumen Gentium, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, Second Vatican Council, 3). The Sacred Liturgy is not just a reenactment of something that happened before. It is actually that we enter into the sacrifice of Christ and make it present in our lives.
Yet our loving Father knows that it is not enough for us to have this experience for the few minutes that happens in the Eucharistic prayer. Redemption grows in us like a plant groaning upward toward the rays of the sun. Thus he has given us an entire season where we focus on the passion of our Lord. This is the holy season of lent, which comes to a climax when we experience the liturgical entry of Jesus’ glorious into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, on which day the Church proclaims the Passion of the Lord. We hear on this day our own voices cry out as the Jews of old, “crucify him!” We hear Jesus our beloved high priest, in persona Christi, through the person of the priest, say to us personally, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” We feel the weight of each scourge, the sound of the pounding of the nails, and the terrible groan of Jesus, a cry that pierces the depths of our hearts because it has first pierced the great heart of our Father from whom we experience the mighty and terrible tender KIndness that flows from his infinite majesty.
The passion of the Lord that we live out in Holy Week, especially in the Sacred Triduum, is Christ’s great appeal to the human heart that he gives to historical man. Jesus speaks to us as one who knows exactly what we are going through because he experienced our weaknesses in his afflictions, our sins in his stripes, our misery in his pain. It is this doorway that we must pass through to reach the primordial plan of the Father that is only restored through Jesus’ redemption. It is through this lens that we can see Christ’s appeal to original man in the beginning. It is only after this fact that we can hear Jesus’ appeal to eschatological man in resurrection.
Jesus points out the personal path of each person by orienting us where we came from, where we are now, and where we need to go. The crucifixion of Jesus is the intersecting point of all three of these because unless we acknowledge our sinfulness (i.e. where we are now) we won’t even be able to take the first step toward where we need to go and forget about knowing our origins.
So many people stay stuck in themselves for years and even decades because they fail to address their weaknesses in Christ. They fail to allow the cross to be fruitful because they won’t acknowledge their woundedness not permitting Christ to address where their hearts really are. The frustration that follows is relating to themselves where God created them to be while not being able to accept themselves for who they are now. The result is kind of like tiptoeing around a wound for years like a pink elephant in the living room.
If we fulling embrace the grace of the Sacred Triduum, the greatest fruit of it will be a very real humility, which is nothing other than frank honesty about our own woundedness. This is the essential pre-condition for redemption and living out successfully the theology of the body in our own bodies.
May our faithful celebration of the sacred liturgy of the Sacred Triduum bring us to the fullness of the redemption of our bodies. May the glorious Virgin Mary, queen and instructress of the Cross guide and illumine us on our way.
Men have a very developed reason (ratio) for the use of a kind of hyper-focus, to get a difficult job done and persevere in doing it until the goal is accomplished. Reason is able to dissect a situation, compartmentalize it and analyze abstract principles, essences, and ideas. Women have a highly developed intuitive intellect (intellectus), which helps to look at the whole situation and see things in a holistic approach, helping them to embrace the emotional content of a situation and draw out from it an intimate meaning and purpose. Some have said that men are more “right-brain” and women are “left-brain,” however, if you actually look at the physical organ of the brain of an actual man it is in two compartments with a super conductor in the middle of two lobes. A woman’s brain is so interconnected by a spaghetti super network that it almost appears that it is one lobe. So actually, the whole right-brain/left-brain thing is only applicable to men. Each human person needs to develop both parts of the intellect the abstract ratio and the intuitive intellectus. It is clear from studies that the complementarity of both and man and woman raising a child that both parts of the mind are exercised, challenged, and matured.
Fr Samuel Medley, SOLT spoke at a conference sponsored by Pure in Heart at the Avila Retreat Centre in Donnybrook (Click here for directions) on Sunday, May 6th, from 2pm to 6pm.
“This stuff is great. I only wish I could live it out in a clear and complete way.” This is a very common reaction to the Theology of the Body. Many folks say that it sounds nice to their ears and maybe even moves their hearts, but many ask, “so how can I live this out in a practical way in my daily life?” 
